Dear Distracting Lady in my Cardio Jam Class:
I have had a loss of words since the first time I witnessed your routine. Previously I've had to deal with "Aerobics Guy" and "Aerobics Son" (see posts below) but you top the cake by far......
I'm having a hard time comprehending the dance routine you perfom in our class. We are all synchronized while doing our "jam moves", while you face the opposite direction, look at yourself in the mirror, and do your own weird moves. (Sporatic kicks, random jumping, side-to-side touches, and head turns that fling your hair)
I think it is fine that you wear slip-on shoes. Sometimes I'm a little concerned about your safety (not to mention the lack of socks is unsanitary) but the decision is yours.
The outfit, however, concern me a bit. We have several men and many women in the class who DO NOT appreciate the low-cut shirts pulled down to your navel. Additionally, the long and sweaty hair that falls over your eyes is not very sexy; I would suggest purchasing a hair tie. The biggest concern of mine is the black lacy thong you have pulled up and out of your spandex shorts. I know for a fact that this is no unfortunate coincidence, given that I watch you continually pull your spandex down to expose the black lace. I really hope that you happen to have 50 pairs of these black lace numbers; it grosses me out to think you are wearing the same pair OVER AND OVER again.
(Visual of what we have to tolerate in our class)
If I honestly felt that you didn't understand, or were doing this all in innocence, I would feel bad for you. But you aren't. You KNOW what you are doing. You sing as you do your own moves, distracting the rest of the class. Every time we have to face your direction (there at the side of the room) I WATCH you pull up the black lace and pull down the shirt.
Seriously I am about ready to come over there and tell you to get dressed. The attempted Richard Simmons "Sexy Routine" is indeed, NOT SEXY, and quite appalling.
Thanks for your understanding.
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17 comments:
hey shae. awesome writing. I never knew.:) jonathan
hey shaeli. I never knew you were such a good writer
At least be glad that she's trying to tone her tush. It might shrink and become sexy over time. :)
Shannon
So glad you're back to the blogging world, Shaeli. Always entertaining.
Shirley
sorry about all of the extra comments. I am new at this and didn't i sent so many:)
Have you tried yanking her lacy black thong up? I think that would be a really nice way of telling her that it is gross to show it.
Maybe she likes getting attention from girls (if you know what i mean).
there is a hidden video camera somewhere FOR SURE!!! this lady knows exactly what she is doing and she is a genius.
Ba ha ha! I seriously laugh out loud everytime I read your blog! You crack me up and I can only imagine how entertaining/disgusting it is to have that woman in your class! ha ha. The thing that gets me is, you are right! There is not innocence in her scheme!
This woman has issues. It is so hard for me to witness this event (biweekly) and not have anyone to discuss the matter with. It is so funny to watch the "newbies" see her routine for the first time. We've learned to ignore her, but I cannot get over the awkwardness of it all. I am always dying inside, and I tend to trip as I get distracted by her.... Unbelievable.
Love it! That is so funny. I can totally picture it. So I agree we should get together soon. I live in west haven, that about 45 min south of logan:( So I'm not as close...but I don't mind a little drive down to slc:) We can go to lunch or something. Anyway We need to catch up so lets plan something, and give me a call sometime when your not busy.
Oh one more thing, I would like my picture back. Black lace and spandex go perfectly together. What's wrong with bringing sexy back to step aerobics huh!
wow. I am not a fan of gyms, but I would sign up for that class just so I could see this. seriously how do you not die of laughter everyday?
Shaeli, I got a get laugh out of your experiences. But honestly I am a little hurt because the fact of the matter is that I was the sexy Richard Simmons for Haloween and I can see wear spandex girl is coming from!:)
Hey, I went private on my blog so email me and I will send you an invite, Thanks! lindsay_camp@hotmail.com
So I keep waiting for your next awesome adventure.. I've loved reading some of your posts, you really do have some amazing things happen to you. Keep it up!
This made me laugh. :)
It was so fun to have you in New York. Send me your email address and I'll send you some photos.
Merry Christmas
Guess what i made yesterday...
DIVINITY..
I was thinking of you the whole time i was stirring it and eating it!
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